CATEGORY: V, A SPOILERS: Through the end of season 7. RATING: PG-13 for slightly disturbing imagery SUMMARY: Scully begins a search. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Shawne, Ambress and Branwell helped me arrange the puzzle pieces in some sort of order.

 

"What does Heaven look like, Gramma?"

"Heaven is white and clean. It's not dirty or dark or noisy and there are no bad little girls or boys. You can't go to Heaven unless you're a good girl, Dana."

I must be in Heaven now. The space is glowing with cool light. There are no shadows or windows or dust. It could be perfection if my heart wasn't beating so fast.

I'm looking for him. I've come a long way to find him, back to this place I've tried so hard to forget.

Letting them lay me on the table again. Strip my clothes. Touch me.

As light tracings race across my skin's surface, it peaks in goosebumps. A thin, black spider dances over me. Spinning a silver web, he blocks me into darkness. I'm surrounded in a soft cocoon.

He's a greedy, hungry creature. No matter how many of us he eats, he never gains an ounce.

The hum of insects fills my head. They march through their tunnels on assigned tasks, crawling over my inert body. Biting through, they burrow under my skin to feed.

My abdomen expands and hardens, the skin tightening to a drum. Fingertips tap at my organs from the inside, impatient. Urgent. What's the hurry?

Someone is breathing close to me but I can't turn my head to see if it's him. I need to get up but a leaden weight has pinned me down.

I came to rescue him and, instead, I've lost myself. I knew this would happen. Once again, I'm unable to defend myself against these forces.

I must at least try. Struggling, I attempt to get off the bed. The voices rise in pitch.

NO!

STOP!

I'm struck with a blow. The weight is expelled from my belly, but the force causes my heart to be torn free from my aorta, and the flow begins. I'm warm at last as the blood fills my body cavity.

My skin is a pattern of ice crystals, ready to shatter. But the heat inside rises like a red tide. The pressure between the two forces causes immeasurable pain.

I've been swallowed by the Devil to feed his never-ending appetite. Caught in his dry, narrow throat, I'm being crushed.

The pain forces me to focus at last--to dare to see into the darkness. I must not be afraid. I must find him.

The shadows take on a glow like glass. In the reflection, I see a human form.

Is it him?

The shape is rippling, expanding, contracting. The same as I am. It's being transformed.

The mouth opens--a silent cry as a new mouth appears from within. This one doesn't call out. It snaps its jaws in a hunger.

Low in my torso, I feel a similar chewing motion. Something wants out. It pushes at my skin, seeking to escape. Without my consent, my muscles and tendons writhe to help its course. I'm not in control any more.

I should be afraid but I welcome this release. I've given up.

My self-loathing sobs become louder and louder. Voices return, trying to drown them out.

Suddenly, I can be squeezed no tighter. I burst and my body falls back, limp and empty. My cries die away to a labored breathing. I feel the stillness of the room. Light rises, expanding outward. Heaven.

"Dana? Dana, sweetie..."

I lift my hand and concentrate on its form. The fingers are blue-ish purple from lack of circulation. I let the hand drop to wipe across my eyes.

Clarity.

"Dana?"

"Mom?"

A weight returns to my belly, this time on the outside. It's tentative, trying to find sea legs on an ocean of sweat and primordial fluids. Automatically, I hold the shape in place.

My fingers trace the form.

Heat.

Slick membranes that I stroke aside.

The sweep of a skull, still soft under my touch, with a slightly pointed crown.

Limbs held tight as springs, as though ready to burst out with energy.

A mouth, gasping noisily against my quivering stomach.

I pull it higher to look closer.

A round belly is attached to a twisted white cord snaking down between my shaking, blood-smeared legs. A small penis is underneath. His legs begin to energetically jerk as though mocking my exhaustion.

My gaze is drawn to his face--a hot, deep red collapsing sun. It cracks open and there is the white flare of new stars--fresh and clean as heaven. Two blue-green planets have been born.

My boy sees me.

"I found him, Mom. I found him."

The End.

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